We don’t care that you have real experience and could actually do the job. We only want the recently employed jacks who lie about their skills.

Remember: Your qualifications mean squat. We just don’t care.

Call you back? Are you serious? Whyever would we waste our time talking with you? Reply to your email? Get out! Just because we sent you a recruiting email doesn’t mean we actually wanted you for the job. Your resume matched our search, that’s all. It’s totally automated, don’t you know.

Someday, if and when we feel like it, we might call you. Yeah. And if you believe that, we know we have a dupe we can sucker into a $5/hr job that should pay $70.

Our job as recruiters is to send out emails. It is not our job to talk to candidates. We don’t actually represent you, the candidate, any more. We are in the pocket of the employers. If they are unfair, so what. We don’t give a c**p. If they are inhuman, we certainly don’t care.

Labor laws are meaningless. No employer is actually accountable, least of all us. The EEOC laws? We flout them and actively discriminate in hiring. Who’s to stop us? All we have to do is say that you were not “fit” for the job or we decided to hire someone else. Justification is not required. Qualifications are not required.

Consider your qualifications? Please… You must be stupid. We don’t give a d’m about your qualifications. We do not want to build a relationship with you to help you find a job. We just don’t give a sh**. Our paychecks just keep coming. And we recruiters don’t have to do squat.

Have a nice day.

(ok. like you are going to know) Yes. I have worked with version 2.4.

Where exactly? I don’t see it on your resume.

(idiot) If you notice, I have not listed version numbers with the tools.

Well, then. Tell me how you would code my application if you don’t have version 2.4 of this tool?

What environment are you working in ?

Windows.

Which version?

ah… I am not sure. I will have to ask.

Ok. Then what hardware are you running?

Windows.

No. The hardware.

Oh yes. Windows 2003.

What about your network servers? Do you have network servers?

Yes. We have servers… But let us talk more about your experience with version 2.4. You cannot possibly write this code if you do not have version 2.4. How do you explain you are qualified?

(you imbicle; you don’t f** get it, do you!)You have not told me what you want coded. Once you define your requirements and basic parameters, I’m sure there will be no problem. I have quite a bit of experience with similar applications. I’m sure I can adapt and use whatever you have. Besides, what really matters is how you have your environment and other applications configured. Whatever you have, that’s what I will work with. (dimwit)

So then, you are saying that you can immediately know what we need.

Yes.

(as long as someone with half a brain can tell me what is wanted. You clearly are totally clueless and a slathering idiot. If you ask me about version 2.4 one more time, I will run away… far far away. )

You must submit to our screening process. We will grill you on everything, badger your friends, and put you through the ringer. We will run a full background check  on you and, if you are not perfect perfect perfect in every way, we will never have the time of day for you again, ever.

You, however, have no rights. The client is GOD. The client can treat you like scum and we won’t give a crap. If the client doesn’t like you, it’s your fault. You are going to be wrong no matter what kind of mealy-mouthed bozo you come up against.

We don’t actually represent you, the candidate. We represent the client. We are just making our money off you, scumbag. The client can do whatever they want. You have to shut up and take it, and if the client decides they don’t like you, we will never ever stand up for you.

Great way to build up a pool of willing consultants… er… sacrifices.

TCG-e

WE DON’T WANT YOU.

We want someone who lies about their skills. We want someone who has another person do the phone screen. We want someone who cannot communicate in English or anyother language. We want a tech-head who can’t think for himself. We want someone who will do what we say, when we say, and doesn’t talk back.

WE DON’T WANT YOU. You might reveal us for who we are – incompetent bozos who can’t find their backsides with both hands. We need someone who will make us look good not show us for what we really are.

Must have background in Datawarehousing/Informatica

Location: Dallas, TX
Duration: 6-12 months contract
Pay rate: $40-45/hr on W2 (no benefits).

Should be more like $90

This one is even better / worse depending on your viewpoint:

SKILLS LIST
1) SharePoint (Workflow Knowledge)
2) Graphic Experience
3) HTML
4) SharePoint Designer

State the conservative hourly W2 rate you are seeking, keeping in mind that there are numerous good candidates on the market today likely competing for this same job.

$20 – $25/hr W2
Gaaaaaaa! lowball sleaze. Should be at least $50!

Be nice to have a 5 star system with comments available – like the travel sites and some of the freelance boards.

Anyone have suggestions for getting this started? Would have to be anonymous to avoid lawsuits and give people a chance to say what’s really on their minds!

Yo… dou dou… most folks who are even the teeniest interested (or capable) in dealing with business processes do not have the skills to run a full infrastructure setup (that would be the hardware, networks, and all the connections that make the systems work) and someone who can deal with the infrastructure and network configs doesn’t give a hoot about business users such as yourself… who can’t spell technical on a good day.

Perform analysis, design, development and testing. Functional content management.

um… Dimmy… Since you can’t figure this out, the folks who are best able to handle design and development have no real interest in analysis and testing; and a whole lot less in “content management”. And don’t even ask someone who can deal with the network setup to go talk to users about their content management. Can you spell “clueless” – yeah. I thought not.

Gaaaa! No wonder so many companies are failing. They only hire dimwits and managers who are completly insane! Only someone suffering from delusions would expect to find a person to “match” this list and only someone with a severe multiple-personality disorder and egos to match would be “qualified.”

Required: BS/MS in Computer Science from a reputed university

….immediate requirement for an Integration Architect for a reputed client

Our client, a reputed US firm…

… contractor to work for his reputed direct client at Albany, NY

A reputed client of ours located Downtown Chicago…

… our Clients well reputed hospital based in Romford.

Seems these fools posting never learned the difference between “reputed” (supposed to be; pretending to be) and “reputable” (of good reputation). GAAAAA! and these are the same idiots who tell well-qualified job seekers that we “are not a fit” … go away with your bimbo bozo “fit” garbage.  I’m a person, not an item, cog, or wiget that has to “fit” anything.

Oh, and for those who might be looking for a job.. we do have a couple of openings. You have to read through all our self-important fluff before we will tell you what they might be. Then, you mut go to our web site. You must fill out our form. We don’t accept resumes. We only accept submissions (er…. submissives) via our form. You must give us all your personal details. You must accept all our mailings. You must ….

Remember: We have no obligation to you. We don’t give a crap about your privacy. We won’t protect your personal information. We don’t have to. You agreed to our policy when you filled out our form.